Do you think it is a coincidence that these two words, "loyalty" and "love" begin with the same letter?
I find myself pondering the significance of these two today because they were both violated and right out of left field. I honestly did not see it coming.
I understand feeling intense anger at those who have wronged you, but I don't understand how that gives you carte blanche to do the same to another.
I am hurting down into the very nuclei of my cell structure because I set someone up to face a wall of pure allegedly righteous vitriol.
She was asking for help, and I placed her before a runaway train.
The anger this person who feels his rage, his cruelty, his demeaning actions are justified confuses me. The person he claims his real anger is aimed at has cost us, me and mine, more deeply than anything he endured, yet I could find compassion for the one who asked for the one thing she had every right to expect...being treated with honor not with acid and lack of civility.
I had heard, long ago, rumors about this acidic person. I had heard he was a trouble maker and full of himself, but when he came over and joined us, he acted like he was truly a part of this haven.
He caused someone dear to me to feel she was under attack...and the thing is, she was.
WHY?
Two wrongs do not make a right. Treating her to such abuse does NOT balance the spreadsheet. It does not make what happened to him right...it only makes him guilty of paying the unfairness forward...and making me an unwitting part of it.
No one has the right to demean another and stomp on their right to be treated with justice, compassion and understanding. She did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING.
I am so profoundly sorry for being the one to put her in front of this runaway train. She deserved better...from him...from the entire group...but from me as well.
Loyalty and Love...My ultimate decisions come down to those two "l" words.
I am unwaveringly loyal to those I love, and that list, here in this world, is easily enumerated.
1.) Kat, my most beautiful daughter.
2.) Lea, my amazing Publisher.
3.) Litsa, our amazing Marketing Director
4.) Delilah, our cover art goddess.
5.) My Entire Muse Family.
Anyone else...you hurt a member of those that I love and the answer is simple...I will not remain a part of something, no matter how good the founding purpose is, that could do something so unconscionable as was done to my Muse Sister, no matter who else she is forced to deal with in her despair. The other publisher didn't need the loop to hurt her, that publisher was doing enough all by herself.
One day when you face that final justice, the vitriol that was spewed with such misdirected rancor will have to be atoned for.
For me...I walk away and say no more.
2 comments:
Lin, at times one's hurt goes way too deep to realize his or her actions is actually hurting another person. Perhaps in that person's mind the 'attack' was justified because they can only see one main person benefiting instead of the real person who needed the boost being the one allowed exposure.
The only thing anyone can do is follow their heart if they believe their actions are honorable, such as yours.
I would do it again in a heartbeat. Leaving her dangling out there with no one coming forward to aid in her desire to have her work noticed...that's what we are ALL trying to do or none of us would be here busting our humps to get noticed.
But I regret misjudging the feelings running through that group. Because I misjudged them, unneeded pain and humiliation was directed at her...when all she asked for was what none of us should have to ask for.
I wish the group well, but I could not remain. NO ONE came to the defense of the real victim in all of this. (Eventually one did, offlist, but I'd already resigned.)I could never remain in such an atmosphere and be true to myself. I will never understand one victim hurting. another victim because she chose a different path. It makes no sense...but rage rarely does.
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